christmas eve at the aquarium

my good friend eric and his daughter invited jackson and i to the long beach aquarium on christmas eve.

jack and i love the ocean of course so to be this close, touch the baby sting rays and see the sharks was surreal.  he loves hanging out with his friend scout.

christmas pictures with digital orange

kind of a weird picture but it made me laugh

so jack's personality!!

oh man i love this little man...

melodramatic tradgedy

i guess three isn't the age that you leave a beta fish alone with...

i came up to feed our fish that we have had since big bear one rainy afternoon...

i see pear-smelling bubbles in his little bowl.

he had been soaped to death by my little jack.

jack said he needed a bath because he was dirty...

luckily that day, my adinistrative assistant and i were passing out beta fish to my accounts and had two extra that no one in my office wanted. i figured i had two white elephant gift parties, so i thought i could bring these beauties until the death of our first fish.

the moment i flushed little "migosh" down, jack cried like i was the meanest person in the world and i was throwing away his toys. he kept saying, "it was the nicest fish mom. why did you have to go and kill it???"

as the mom hero that i tend to be on a blue moon, i whip out this tiny female beta fish all wrapped up in christmas bagging with bows and food. jack's face went from devastation to complete happiness.

now he loves his little girl fish and tells me since friday that "she is so cute mom"

private

to go private or to not go private?

i deleted all of my previous posts, reevaluated a few things going on and decided that it was time to write not as much.

reason?

personal....
so many of my friends who record their family's "comings and goings" on blogs go through this decision and i seem to come to it often.  i am going through a child custody trial and think i should make my life more private.  then i have the other side that makes me think i am not hiding anything, enjoy sharing pictures and stories about jack {i think every parent does}... so for now, the previous blog posts are archived.  i know i will never get around to printing them but at least i recorded the fun things jack and i have been up to.

it's been a humbling experience receiving emails from mothers all over the country and switzlerland, uk and aus that have been reading my blog.  to know that i can maybe help someone who is going through a trial or motivation to get through their day; makes me incredibly happy.

family...
they have been there for me since the day jackson and i drove that uhaul home, weight off my shoulders from the things i had experienced and a new perspective on how great jack and my future is now going to be.

trying to "do it all" it all comes back to the relationship i have with jack. he is truly my everything. when people go through rough times, they cling to what they know is right. i have come to know that my Savior and Heavenly Father love my tiny family of two so much that he will protect us from any harm. i have found peace in knowing that during this rough time, jackson loves me as a mother - even when i fall short of not being able to be home with him all day like i use to. that has been a struggle for me to cope with. as most if not all single moms, we must work.  i think of him all day and bother my mom with calls and ask her to take him up to where i work so i can see him for lunch.  not just single moms have to work now but at times i feel like "i didn't sign up for this" or whatever attitude that is easy and then decide the better one is to just learn how to find happiness in each situation.  no point of finding pain in this short time.  all we can do is find happiness in everything.  everything.

so in a sense, i am grateful for these lessons. though they are hard, i feel i have come to know my life's mission - to help others get through rough times...

i am grateful.

i have been humbled but have room for more. hopefully i won't have to go through much more to become humbled but know it's not my plan but the Lord's.  if i put my trust in Him always i will always find peace. it can sometimes not the easiest road but it seems like the one i need to travel on for now.