sara

this post is rather hard for me to muster out.

a few months ago, one of my dearest friends that i met when i first moved to san francisco has been diagnosed with stage four colon cancer.

on sunday i was sitting in church and one of the speakers spoke about her not thinking anyone in the congregation knew who he was talking about.  i was sitting there as a visitor with tears down my cheeks.  he spoke about this amazing woman his daughter helps out because she has a newborn, her oldest is five and is going through chemotherapy.

sara and i met about four years ago and clicked instantly.  we both served the youth of our ward in young womens in the presidency together.  her oldest, jacob would come to our meetings and i would just watch her carefully as she mothered him so well.  i thought to myself many times as i had just a newborn, that i hope to be like her someday.  she is witty, extremely witty.  one of those people that is so unique with her personality, that it makes you want to be around her more often.  she was always so giving but in a careful way.  she found light in all situations.  she is an amazing chef.  she would invite me over all the time for breakfasts and have the table all set up as if i was someone so special to her.  when you speak to her, she listens with great intent.

when i told sara that i was planning on moving back to orange county, she helped me pack my boxes and store them at her house.  she was that friend that got me through my divorce.  i didn't open up to too many people but sara was there for me.  always checking up on me before the move; making sure i was okay.  when i finally moved back to orange county, she was that friend that called, sent me letters in the mail and was such a warm smile i could depend on to know everything was going to be okay.  whenever i would come up to san francisco to do our drop-offs, i would have sara always being so willing to pick me up from the airport, make me home-cooked meals, take me on errands with her and meet me anywhere just so we could see each other.  i look forward to seeing her name on my phone or in my inbox.

i was visiting a mutual friend of ours right before christmas and she asked me if i knew about sara.  she told me the whole story.  i was in shock beyond explanation.  how could this happen to sweet sara?  she has such a great, healthy life that just started to get more comfortable with having her husband's job allow him to be home more often, her family is complete with two boys and a girl, a beautiful home on top of the hills in millbrae, and so many other great blessings.  from that point on, i was all emotion.  do i call her? do i send her a letter?  what do i do next?  if i talk to her, i am just going to cry. i remembered what i liked when i had my brain surgeries.  i loved hand-written letters.  i tried to get out my pen and paper to write down something, anything.  nothing came out because my eyes were so damp and my emotions were too strong.  how could something like this happen to her?  how much i would rather take on her pain then watch her go through this.

i finally called her a month later; truly disappointed in myself for taking so long to be there for her.  we talked and of course i tried to remain strong after piggybacking on her strength in her voice over the other end.  she was such an inspiration to me.  i knew she was a great influence to anyone who knew of her story.  the doctors are giving her months but she said she is going to survive through her faith, her preisthood blessings she received and her trust in herself for not giving up.

my heart reaches out to her and although i feel helpless living so far away, i know she has comfort and strength from so many prayers that are being heard.

i feel some closure from actually putting my feelings into actual words now.  i love sara so much and her beautiful family.