what i am grateful for this year.

found here

thanksgiving has to be one of my favorite holidays.  november for me is a great month of family birthdays, the birthstone is my favorite, i love to cook and bake all day, i like the smells, the warmth everyone feels and that anticipation before christmas. its that holiday were family gets together expecting no gifts, but time. time together.  time to think of what we are grateful for.

during the holidays everyone seems to open up.  i guess i haven't opened up on here, really, for some time.  i have been in bed sick most of the day, so i have had a lot of time to think.  just laying there, i thought about all my blessings, what i'm grateful for but what i'm grateful for this year.

i am grateful for not always getting what i want.

i think this is great lesson we all have to learn.  i am seeing jackson learn this lesson everyday as i tell him what he can or cannot have.

i think i grasped this concept when i was younger with always feeling sick.  i never wanted to have stomach aches, but i did.  i learned that when i was feeling good, i am more grateful for my health. i notice when i feel well and not dread when i feel sick.

then to get deeper, i felt this even more so when i went through the trial of loosing my son isaac.  i wanted so badly to be a mother. i learned that day when my friend invited me to the hospital who was due the same day as i, and held her healthy baby, that i too, could be happy for others when good things happen to them, and not me.  a true happiness, not something i could have found on my own.

when i had my first surgery, i didn't want to have to go through a major surgery and stay in the hospital for a week.  i learned how to empathetic to those who have to go through some health trials like i did. i have some sort of idea what to say or give.

i didn't want to go through a divorce.  i knew all of the stigmas it brings, stereotypes, the trials i would face, the back and forth of sharing jackson, moving, etc.  i have grown more than i could have imagined from this one. i have become such a stronger person because of it.  if i am ever lucky enough to find a man to want to spend eternity with me, i will be so grateful for him more-so because of what i have experienced.

during the trial of my second surgery, i dreaded it.  i thought the doctors were pulling a prank.  i didn't want to go through another life altering hurdle that could cost my possible memory, my health or even be fatal.  i did it with faith and i believe it taught me that i can endure anything.  if i want something, i can do it.

as i have been raising jackson, i have wanted to be finished with my degree, have a home on my own, be able to spend every waking minute with him, have no worries, find a really good man, have the rest of my children before i'm thirty... you know that kind of stuff...
... but daily i am reminded that i have many opportunities to learn from not having everything i want.  i have come to know how wonderful it is to be grateful and not wanting.  i don't need everything when i have it all.  i have the necessities like the foundation i can build upon, great people surrounding me always, the knowledge of how to raise a good family, these past life experiences i can take with me to give me courage and not use as a crutch, talents i have been blessed with so i can provide for my little family, my health, my determination to be someone or something great because i have a little man depending on me and so many other things i know i have to counts as blessings.

i don't have everything that i want, but i do have everything i need at this time.
i have to learn from this everyday and remember to always be grateful.